pairing: lindsay and jill
rating: 18 yrs
disclaimer: I don't own these characters in any way shape or form.
Jill's hand instinctively reached for the phone as the youth stood up from the chair near the file cabinet. Ric raised his hands slightly and shook his head. Somehow, she knew he meant her no harm. She waited. Ric walked over and dug his hands in his pockets.
" You're one of the lawyers trying Cranson's case? " Ric stated, it wasn't a question.
" Yes." Jill acknowledged.
" And he killed my father and Mike?"
" Yes. "
" I should thank him." Ric mused.
" Thank him?" Jill frowned uncertainly.
" I didn't like my family much. Well, my mom. Are you trying Gates too?"
" I'm not sure/That decision hasn't been made."
" I want him to pay. He didn't have to kill her." Ric said grimly.
" Why are you here Ric?" Jill asked.
" I just wanted to - I don't know, say I was sorry for everything that happened to you. I didn't want you to think I was like that.."
Jill eyed the youth and smiled faintly. She had seen that lost look staring back at her from a mirror. Too many times she had been in foster homes that had left her defensive and wondering why she was even alive.
" What's been happening since.. all this?"
" I'm staying with my grandmother." he shrugged.
" That's good. Isn't it?" Jill replied.
" I guess. I'm looking for a favour and I don't have anyone else I can ask."
" Oh. Ok?" she said warily.
Ric put admission papers down on her desk. The blonde skimmed them and slowly smiled. Looking up at him, Jill finally felt like one good thing might come of this case and their experiences with the Valdez family. Ric eyed her with an expression of uncertainty and hope. Silently, she eyed another paper taped to her wall. It was a little charred but she had recovered it and put it back on the wall of her new digs.
" So you want to be a lawyer." she smiled leaning back to study him.
" You think it's stupid don't you?" Ric frowned.
" People told me I was crazy. If I'd listened to them, I wouldn't be in this office today."
" Do you ever wish you weren't?"
" Oh about a dozen times a day." she grinned.
" So?" he asked hopefully.
" You won't make me regret it?" the blonde asked, smiling as he shook his head.
Denise Kwon hurried into her ADA's office and worriedly approached Jill's desk.
" Was that Ric Valdez I just saw leaving?"
" What did he want? Did he threaten you? "
" No, he's going to university and needed a recommendation to apply for a scholarship." Jill smiled happily.
" I'll never understand you Bernhardt. I wouldn't give him the time of day! Little punk."
" He can't help what his family did." Jill answered.
" Anyone that grows up in that sick environment is damaged goods and not worth knowing. You'll regret it." Denise huffed.
Jill frowned and looked at her notes on her desk distractedly. Denise sat down and fingered her watch nervously. When she realized her boss wasn't leaving, Jill looked up questioningly. The petite woman shifted restlessly,
" Warren asked me to marry him."
" Jacobi!?" Jill exclaimed, " That's quick! Uh, a little quick? " Jill smiled.
" Well, he's no spring chicken. He knows his own mind. Besides, I want children and my biological clock is ticking."
" So you're going to say yes?" Jill smiled finding herself happy for the woman she often found to be the bane of her existence.
" Yes and I want you to be my maid of honor."
" I don't have a lot of friends Jill. You can't in my line of work. " Denise shrugged.
" So I'm it?"
" Yes. You have to go anyway. Warren is your friend."
" I'd be honoured Denise." Jill smiled aware the woman had slowly become more human in recent months.
" Good, that's settled then. I've got to be in court in a half hour. So, I'm off." Denise smiled faintly.
Denise reached the door then hesitated. Jill looked up again. Sighing, Denise turned,
" I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. I lit a fire under Valdez and ultimately put you in his sights- I never
thought what happened would happen- "
" Nobody could have Denise. But thanks for saying that."
" Don't expect it to happen again!" Denise smirked, " Why don't you knock off early. You've been working too hard and believe me those circles under your eyes show it."
Claire surprised Jill by showing up at her door around ten at night. Jill led her friend into her apartment and quickly put away the legal brief she had been working on. Claire took in the uneaten dinner on the coffee table and frowned. Sitting down she cleared her throat and asked,
" How are you doing?"
" Busy. You know, the case." Jill shrugged.
" What about the nightmares? Is seeing the doctor helping?" Claire asked choosing to get right to the point.
" Yes and no."
" Lindsay is worried."
" I'm fine."
" Are you?! Jill, we aren't blind."
Jill sighed and ran her fingers through her hair then eyed her friend. Claire waited patiently. Neither spoke for the longest time.
Finally, Claire moved and hugged the blonde from behind.
" Talk to me."
" The nightmares are worse. The doctor is convinced I need to discuss every aspect of life with Len- the Peters- I don't know. I prefer to forget it."
" But you haven't forgotten. The minute you fall asleep it comes out in your dreams."
" I'm a whack job." Jill groaned.
" Stop that! You were raped and molested as a child! There are bound to be scars and all that has happened since has added to that trauma. - Jill, petending it didn't happen or that it didn't shape you doesn't change the fact that it did. Nobody could go through all of this and not be changed."
" So? Where does that leave me?" Jill whispered.
" You are safe now. You have Lindsay who loves you and will move heaven and earth to keep you safe. You have me and Cindy who think you are sensational and love you. Ed, the boys, even Jacobi.. Honey, we see this eating you alive but we can't fix it. Only you can."
" By talking about it- reliving it. Claire..." Jill shook her head as tears spilled.
" That bastard hurt you. Don't let him keep hurting you baby. Jill, look at me!" Claire urged.
Jill blinked hard and obediantly eyed her friend. Claire gently brushed the tears away from the blonde's cheeks and smiled,
" You and I know more about each other- more than Lindsay or Cindy will ever realize- you held me together when my whole world was shattering- Jill, I love you. Not like I love Ed but you are part of me and I want to see you happy and loved. Lindsay is the real deal- but if you don't get Peters out of your life, you could blow it. I don't doubt that opening up to a doctor scares you but if it makes you heal so that you can embrace life instead of hiding from it, then you have to. I'll be there for you- I swear, we all will."
Jill watched silently as Cranson was led away. Denise closed her briefcase with a flourish and smiled triumphantly as she smoothed her hair. Turning to Jill, she gestured towards the corridor,
" The press awaits. Good job Bernhardt."
" Yeah, thanks." Jill murmured eyeing Lindsay who was sitting and waiting patiently. Lindsay smiled reassuringly as she spotted Jill's gaze. Slowly, the blonde collected her files then walked over to the rangy inspector.
" You were terrific." Lindsay drawled then smirked as Jill reddened.
" Thank you."
" So formal." Lindsay teased.
" Linds- "
" Can you get a couple of days off? Right away?" Jill asked.
" I have vacation time saved. Sure. Why?"
Jill briefly eyed the closed doors then leaned down and kissed her softly. Lindsay wordlessly looked up at her and a smile slowly spread over her face. Jill grinned impishly and whispered,
" That doctor you recommended thinks I should get on with my life."
" And the nightmares?" Lindsay asked.
" She thinks pretending the nightmares don't exist will only make them persist and it would seem I have less of them when I'm with you."
" I could have told you that. Does that mean you'll be in my bed tonight?" Lindsay grinned hopefully.
" If you'll have me." Jill chuckled.
" Oh, I'll have you. Any which way I can." Lindsay smiled.
" So... I'll see you tonight? Your place?" Jill smiled.
" I'll be waiting."
Cindy sipped her drink and smirked as Chloe made a lewd comment as Jill and Lindsay left Papa Joe's. Claire couldn't help laughing at the photographer who was slowly but surely growing on the rest of them. It did indeed look like Lindsay and Jill were headed to bed and Claire couldn't have been more pleased. Jill was still under weight and a little pale. She was still waking with bad dreams but the spark was back in her eyes and the way she looked at Lindasay spoke volumes. Lindsay was wrapped around the blonde's finger and didn't even know it. In all the years she had known Lindsay, Claire had never seen her so relaxed and happy. The two were
working things out and Jill was releasing her demons one by one. With each admission, she seemed almost dazed to discover the world didn't end with the truth being told. She was even more surprised that Lindsay, Claire and Cindy were still there. Claire felt the tightness in her own chest as she realized how much her friend's pain had affected her own demeanour and relished the lifting of the past from all of their shoulders.
Lindsay glanced over at Jill as the blonde stretched lazily and yawned. Jill flopped down on the bed and sighed contently then smiled as Lindsay crawled up beside her and kissed her teasingly.
" I love you." Lindsay murmured smirking as the blonde looked up, " Move in permanently."
" Move in here? With you? "
" You can sublet that fancy place."
" You're serious?" Jill gaped.
" Oh yeah. I want you here all the time."
" Nightmares and all?" Jill asked smiling whobbily.
" Especially because of the nightmares. You sleep better here with me." Lindsay replied then added, " And so do I."
" Lindsay, are you sure?" Jill asked sitting up.
" I've never been this sure in my life. Jill, I meant it, I love you. Now say you'll move in."
" C'mere." the blonde whispered kissing her deeply.
When the couple finally lay motionless and breathing unsteadily, Lindsay pushed her hair back and eyed the blonde,
" You never answered me."
"Yeah, I did." Jill smiled as Lindsay's tongue swirled a pattern lazily across her abdomen.
" I'll help you pack." Lindsay murmured kissing the blonde on her hip bone.
Jill nodded distractedly and sucked in a deep breath as her lover pressed kisses along her thigh. On some level it registered with both of them that a monumental decision had been made that would shape their futures forever but somehow, it didn't scare them.
Lindsay with a failed marriage behind her and Jill with her many shortlived relationships had finally figured out who their someone was. Jill groaned and her body arched. Lindsay smiled and raised her head then whispered,
" Lindsay loves Jill."
" Jill loves Lindsay - " Jill gasped fisting the sheets and letting a cry escape.
Much later, Lindsay sat out on the steps and stared into the darkness. Martha padded over to her and stretched out resting her head on her owner's lap. Absently, Lindsay stroked the dog's fur.
" I asked Jill to move in. What do you think Martha?" she smiled then chuckled, " I don't care what you think, she's staying."
Martha raised her head and seemed to look at Lindsay with understanding. Both turned their heads as the door opened and Jill came outside.
" Linds, it's three in the morning. You ok?" she asked sitting down beside her.
Lindsay smiled and drew the blonde into her arms and kissed her lazily. Jill smiled then tilted her head in the direction of the house.
A smile formed on Lindsay's face then she shook her head,
" Let's just sit and wait for the sun to come up."
" Kay.... um, that won't be for a couple of hours?" Jill pointed out, her nose crinkling as she flashed a grin.
" We'll wait." Lindsay replied.
" Shall I make coffee?" Jill smirked.
" No, just stay here with me."
They watched the sunrise. Jill smiled absently as Lindsay's arm slipped around her waist and drew her nearer. Lindsay draped her jacket around the blonde and Jill breathed in the scent of leather and Lindsay then smiled as her lover's lips nibbled at her ear.
" You're beautiful."
" So are you. You are fierce." Jill chuckled leaning back against her, " What were you thinking when I first came out?"
" I was thinking I am the luckiest woman alive to have found you."
" Yes you are." Jill quipped then they laughed.
"Let's go back to bed. I want you. " Lindsay whispered pulling her to her feet.
And to all who stuck with this story, thank you and my heartfelt apology for
the long intervals in between chapters but my life has been crazy of late which
drives me nuts because I like calm. Aw well, what can you do? At least it's done.