pairing: jill and lindsay
rating: 18 yrs
disclaimer: I do not own these characters in any way shape or form
Chloe stepped off the elevator and quietly approached her redhead who was dozing in an armchair. Gently she nudged her awake and Cindy sat up quickly looking down the corridor for any sign of Claire and Lindsay. Chloe smiled sympathetically and pressed a cup of coffee into her hands. Dazedly, she took a sip and forced a smile to which Chloe gave her a hug.
" She'll be ok. Jill's a tough lady." Chloe said gently.
" No she's not. She's not tough at all- she just pretends to be." Cindy said huskily.
" I still don't understand how you ended up friends with these women. " Chloe teased.
" That's a long story. Jill didn't like me much at first. I guess it was because of Lindsay. I didn't know she was in love with her back then but, we became friends. We got really close when I was shot. She didn't leave my side." Cindy smiled.
" You two are complete opposites."
" Not always, we like the same corny tv shows. She likes to bar hop, she is a great wingman.- And she gets me when nobody else does."
" Yeah, well, if she ever puts the moves on you, I'll flatten her." Chloe replied.
" You had better not.I love her but not that way. She's the closest thing I have to a sister so be warned." Cindy chuckled wearily then started inexplicably crying.
" Cin- honey don't. She'll be ok." Chloe frowned holding her girlfriend close.
" Linds, Jill and Claire are my family- after Dad died, I didn't think anyone would mean as much to me."
" Hey, what about me? " Chloe teased.
" You know I love you." Cindy sighed resting her head on her shoulder.
" I love you too." Chloe smiled.
The flurry of activity down the corridor alerted them to the ambulance's arrival and Cindy shot to her feet. Her eyes locked on Lindsay's bloodied shirt and for one horrible monent she thought she was hurt too but then realized it was Jill's. The blonde's head was wrapped in a heavy bandage and Jill was quite obviously unconscious. Cindy looked at Claire who looked stressed out and followed the stretcher through two swinging doors leaving Lindsay standing there looking devastated. Cindy wordlessly hugged her and pulled her down with her onto two chairs. Chloe uncomfortably sat down opposite them.
Lindsay squeezed her eyes shut and covered her head with her hands. Silently she berated herself for not checking on Jill first. She'd known Tom had removed her protection and she was alone. Tearfully she looked up as Claire came out. Claire took a deep breath and cupped the brunette's face,
" Linds, calm down. She's already starting to come around."
" She's awake?! I want to see her."
" She isn't lucid yet. Listen to me, she's had two concussions in a matter of months. Now she has another one, so, that's going to take its toll."
" But she'll be alright?! Right? " Lindsay pressed.
" They want to keep her here so they can watch for any symptoms. Honey, this is standard procedure with head injuries."
" When can I see her? " Lindsay asked.
" Maybe tomorrow."
" Tomorrow?! No, I want to see her now." Lindsay protested as the attending doctor came out.
" Dr Washburn. I think we can let Inspector Boxer ask her questions for a minute or two."
" Oh she isn't- oh, yeah, get her statement Linds." Cindy murmured.
Lindsay didn't need to be told twice and quickly went through the swinging doors. She approached the stretcher and anxiously looked down at the blonde. Gingerly she kissed her swollen mouth and grimaced as Jill winced.
"- inds?" Jill whispered.
" Hey sweetie." Lindsay smiled relieved to see blue eyes staring back at her. The blue was dimmed with pain and medication but Lindsay didn't care, they were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Gently she kissed Jill's cheek and surveyed the swollen eye and cut jaw. Both fury and guilt raced through her. It should never have happened.
" My head-"
" I know baby. But, you'll be fine."
" hurts.." Jill fretted drifting off.
Lindsay stood back helplessly as the blonde was wheeled towards her room. Mutely, she felt Claire squeeze her arm and turned to look at her. Claire smiled reassuringly.
" This is all my fault. The minute I knew Gates was involved, I should have known she'd be in danger."
" So you can predict the future now?" Claire asked mockingly.
" I should have known Claire!"
" That doesn't make any sense. Come on, let's go to the cafeteria."
" I'm not leaving her here alone."
" Like it or not, you aren't family."
" But I did the last time!?"
" Luke arranged it.And before you ask, he's out of town. Cindy checked."
" But she's alone--"
" I'm staying. One advantage of being a doctor.Professional courtesy. I'll be with her. Now, will you relax?" Claire smiled.
Lindsay engulfed her friend in a hug and whispered tearfully,
" Thank you- she'll probably have nightmares-"
" I'll be with her Linds." Claire promised.
Claire sat on the edge of the bed and examined her younger friend's battered features. She would be fine, she knew that. So why was she crying? With a sigh, she clasped the blonde's hand and stroked it with her thumb.
" I couldn't love you more if you were my own flesh and blood. Do you know that?" Claire whispered wiping her face haphazardly.
" For someone so completely different from me, you and I have always clicked. Girl, you were my lifeline when Ed and I almost called it quits. I still count on you. Lindsay and I love each other to pieces but you and me- well, you're you and nobody can come close to copying you. So, you've got to start taking better care of yourself because these hospital stays are aging me!" Claire chuckled.
" Don't cry- god."
" Hey! How do you feel?" Claire demanded checking her pulse.
" Awful. Where's Linds?"
" They wouldn't let her stay unless she was family. I used my doctor card."
" She ok?"
" You know Lindsay, she tries not to show how worried she is. She was freaking out when I got to the airfield."
" Good." Jill growled rubbing her head distractedly.
Claire reached out and drew her hand away from the thick bandage on the side of her head. Jill wet her lips and Claire got her a glass of water with a straw.
" Not too much baby." she cautioned.
The short conversation tired her out and Jill leaned back exhausted. Claire tucked her in like she was five years old then Jill gingerly moved over and patted one side of the bed. Chuckling, Claire lay down and absently stroked the blonde's arm until Jill's breathing evened out in sleep. She smiled as Jill's hand found hers and clasped it.
Jill sat on the edge of the hospital bed while Cindy helped her with her shoes. Bending down with a concussion was proving to be a bad idea. Cindy straightened up as Lindsay came in pushing an empty wheelchair. Raising an eyebrow Jill shook her head. Lindsay grinned and didn't back down. Reluctantly, Jill sat down in it and they were off. As Cindy drove, Jill rested her head contently against Lindsay's shoulder.She never wanted to see another hospital.
Claire and Ed were at Lindsay's when they got there. Once Jill was firmly situated on the sofa, they all sat around discussing the turns of the case. Jill listened distractedly, finding the light dancing off Lindsay's hair much more interesting. Sensing the scrutiny, Lindsay turned and smiled. The brunette sat down on the floor and leaned back against the sofa wanting to be as close as possible to the blonde. She smiled as she felt Jill's fingers threading lazily through her hair. She could sit there all day as long as Jill kept doing exactly what she was doing.
" I think Jill should get to bed." Claire said smiling as she watched the blonde's eyes fight to remain open.
~~ 1 week~~
Jill read the brief absently as she rode the elevator down to the morgue. The bruising had mostly faded and aside from occasional
headaches, she was more or less back to her old self or so she insisted. Lindsay wasn't fooled. She knew the nightmares persisted and that Jill didn't sleep well. if anything the dreams were worse. Claire was more than a little worried. Once more she was pressuring Lindsay to talk to Jill.
" What are you doing here?" Claire frowned in disapproval.
" My job. Hey Linds." Jill replied hugging the brunette.
Lindsay smiled and lightly gave her a kiss then glanced at Claire who put her hands on her hips. They had just finished talking about Jill's nightmares. Lindsay grimaced not wanting to broach the subject. Grumbling, Claire pointed to her office.
" Both of you inside, now!"
" Oh god." Lindsay groaned.
Jill sat down and eyed the other two women curiously. Claire studied her and her frown deepened until the blonde began squirming under her scrutiny. Unaware of the dark circles under her eyes that had captured Claire's attention, Jill shifted in her seat.
" When was the last time you slept through an entire night without waking because of nightmares?"
" Excuse me?" Jill protested.
" When? "
" Claire, I'm fine."
" Jill, you aren't. Claire is worried. So am I." Lindsay said reluctantly.
" Hey, given the last couple of months is it any wonder I am having bad dreams?!"
" Of course not! But, that doesn't mean you can go on this way." Claire frowned.
" What do you suggest?" Jill glared.
" I know a doctor.."
" Oh hell no! I am not seeing a shrink! " Jill exclaimed shooting to her feet and storming out. Lindsay squeezed the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. Claire let out a long slow breath and murmured,
" Well, that went well."
Cindy's eyes went wide as Lindsay and Claire filled her in on the less than successful discussion with Jill. The redhead frowned and wondered what they had been thinking.
" What's with the look? " Claire asked stirring her drink.
" What look? " Cindy asked innocently.
" You disagree?"
" That Jill's in trouble? No- but, I don't think ordering her to see a doctor is the answer."
" What do you suggest?"
" Jill will figure it out, we just have to be ready to catch her if she needs us."
" So you're saying let it happen? You saw her at the spa!? " Claire argued.
" Jill's raised herself. She doesn't know how to show she is vulnerable. She's spent her whole life hiding that side of her. I don't think anyone has gotten that close to her. Not even Lindsay - am I right? Linds? " Cindy surmized.
" I'm not sure. She lets me in- up to a point. " Lindsay frowned uncomfortably.
" Has she ever talked about what Peters did to her? Where she went? Any of it? "
" Not really. Just in a vague way."
" But that's why seeing a doctor would help." Claire insisted.
" Or make her withdrawal. Claire, you know what she was like when we first met her." Lindsay sighed.
" So we do nothing?! I'm sorry, I think she needs us to push her. That's what family does! We know what's best for her even if she disagrees."
" Claire- " Cindy mumbled not convinced.
" Let her cool off. I'll talk to her when I think the time is right." Lindsay frowned.
Jill walked down the corridor to her office fuming. She barely noticed the renovated floor. The DA's Department was freshly repaired and she had even acquired new, fancy digs but none of it registered. Slamming the office door she reached her desk and sat down angrily. She was not a nut case! The blonde reached in her desk for her pills as she felt another headache coming on. With a sigh she rubbed her temples and silently admitted she was afraid to let anyone poke around in her head.
" May I come in? Is it safe?" Lindsay asked from the doorway.
" You're already in." Jill sighed.
Lindsay closed the door and walked over to the blonde's desk. Silently she knelt down and rested her arms on the arms of Jill's chair.
" I'm sorry. We weren't trying to upset you."
" I know that." Jill huffed.
Lindsay gently ran her hand along the blonde's thigh and squeezed her knee. Smiling as the blonde looked at her, Lindsay leaned forward and kissed her carefully. The blonde sighed and whispered,
" If you are well enough to work, then you're well enough for other things." Lindsay teased.
" Oh really?" Jill smiled.
" Yes, really." Lindsay smirked nuzzling her neck playfully.
Jill bit her lip and pulled Lindsay closer so they could share a kiss. Lindsay felt everything slow down and gave in to the moment. Several minutes later, she unsteadily drew back and studied Jill's eyes. They had darkened noticeably. Smiling she kissed the blonde again several more times and sighed as Jill moved into her arms and held onto her silently. They were quiet for a few minutes, just relishing being in each other's arms. Lindsay gently rocked them back and forth.
" I love you Jill Bernhardt." she croaked, emotion making her voice gravelly.
" You want me to see a shrink- don't you?"
" I want you to stop being afraid to sleep- I want you to feel safe." Lindsay whispered.
" I know you have the business card." Jill sighed.
Lindsay took it out of her jacket sheepishly and handed it to the blonde. Jill eyed it and made a face.
" Pretty low using my body to convince me to say yes."
" That wasn't why I was coming on to you. I just like kissing you." Lindsay smiled.
" You've got my skirt wrinkled." Jill teased.
" Yeah, so?" Lindsay asked kissing where the blonde's silk blouse strayed open. Jill closed her eyes and fought the moan building in her throat.
" My place is closer - uh, if you can get off work-" Jill whispered.
" We'll take my car." Lindsay said absently as her lips found a sensitive spot behind Jill's ear.
Jill put her briefcase down and smiled as Lindsay locked the door then slipped her arms around her and walked her towards the bedroom. Nimble fingers slipped the light brown leather jacket off the Inspector and Jill smiled impishly as Lindsay lifted her slightly off the ground. The brunette rubbed her nose against the blonde's and grinned as Jill nipped at her right earlobe. Gently, she guided them onto the bed and looked down at the blonde. Without a sound her right hand worked the buttons on Jill's blouse open as she sought Jill's lips. Lindsay breathed raggedly as she finally released the blonde in favour of air. Pushing herself up on her elbows, Jill sought to reconnect with her lover's lips as Lindsay found the clasp of her bra.
" Shh- " lindsay whispered pressing her into the mattress.
Lindsay stirred uncertain what had awakened her. Slowly, she turned to the sleeping form next to her and worriedly gathered Jill close. The blonde murmured anxiously in her sleep.
" It's ok baby, I've got you." Lindsay whispered softly feathering light kisses near the blonde's ear. Instinctively Jill snuggled into Lindsay. The brunette lay awake a long time, afraid to sleep, in case Jill started to have another dream. Lindsay watched the lights from outside play over Jill's features and sighed contently.
" Do you have any idea what you do to me?" she asked kissing the blonde lightly on the lips. A ghost of a smile crossed Jill's lips as she slept. Lindsay smiled and spooned the blonde and dropped a kiss on her bare shoulder before she finally drifted back to sleep.
Jill left the medical building and broodingly sat in her car not quite ready to drive. She didn't like these sessions and they were becoming more intense. Dr. Freeman had practically suggested she wasn't being cooperative with her. The sad truth was, she wasn't. Sighing, Jill pushed back her hair and headed back to her office. She still had some work to do on Cranson's case which was going to trial in barely two weeks. Denise was driving her crazy with her obsession to put Cranson and Gates away. Jill just wanted them to disappear so she never had to think about them. She wouldn't admit it to Lindsay but one reason she didn't stay over lately was because the nightmares were growing worse as the trial neared.
As she entered the building, her eyes immediately strayed to Lindsay's desk and she wasn't surprised to see it empty. Lindsay wasn't due back from LA for another day or so. Jill reminded herself to check on Martha after work. Silently, she went into her office and sat down to the pile of work. She barely registered the office door opening and when she looked up, she froze. Ric Valdez.